41 Agile Jokes to Surely Make You Die Laughing
Let’s have a little laugh. We have compiled a list of most well-known agile jokes. They’d surely make you smile. Enjoy!
1) The Chicken and the Pig
A Pig and a Chicken are walking down the road.
The Chicken says: “Hey Pig, I was thinking we should open a restaurant!”
Pig replies: “Hm, maybe, what would we call it?”
The Chicken responds: “How about ‘ham-n-eggs’?”
The Pig thinks for a moment and says: “No thanks. I’d be committed, but you’d only be involved.”
2) Knock, Knock!
- Knock knock.
Processes and tools.
Processes and tools who?
See, I told you he was Agile!
- Knock knock.
The user who?
Yup, we’re at Microsoft.
- Knock knock.
Depends on who you ask.
3) Knock, Knock! Part 2
“Carrie over to next sprint.”
4) No More
We are going to try something which is called Agile programming.
“That mean no more planning no more documentation just start writing code and complaining”.
I’m Glad it has a name.
5) More Programs
We need three more programs!
Use Agile program “Ming method”.
6) Testing Phase
Period that elapses from a cheery “Sure we can make that change” to a sign on the back of your chair that says “ADD IT TO PHASE 2”.
7) Aggressive Deliverable
You’ll get there with some hard work, a little luck, and seven or eight cases of Five-Hour Energy Drink under your desk.
8) Stretch Goal
It’s definitely achievable. So’s the Triple Crown. You’ll actually see that portion of your bonus about as often.
9) Just a Small Tweak
It’s not like you have to boil the ocean or anything – just Boston Harbor and Puget Sound.
10) In Scope
It’s something new we want in the software. And you’re writing software. So it’s all the in the scope of – you know, software. Plus, it’s nothing major, really just a small tweak.
11) Buristic Review
An exercise to gain heuristic insight that will be rejected by a bureaucrat because the research didn’t come from his team.
12) Marital Raise
A merit-based pay increase for spending more time in the office cranking out code with your colleagues than at home with your spouse.
13) Rocked-It Shock
The horrifying realization after you totally rock a capabilities presentation that you now actually have to do all those things you just talked about.
14) Multi-Bury it Testing
Variations that tested so poorly that you make the developer destroy all the code for it, then pull the backups and erase them too.
15) Perfective Model
Advanced analytics that predict outcomes from innovative scenarios that haven’t a chance in hell of being approved.
16) The CMO
When the new functionality reduces the bounce rate from 40% to 4%.
17) The CIO
Done? When’s the release, 11:45? 11:46.
18) The PR Director
11:45? I told ClickZ and TechCrunch it went live last Tuesday.
19) The Product Owner
When our new video has been viewed more times than that Evolution of Dance guy.
20) The Product Manager
It’s not done until the ten missing original requirements make it back into the functionality.
21) The Developer
It’s done. Remember we dropped ten of the features from this sprint when you told me it couldn’t be coded in Flash? Now they’re enhancements scheduled for Sprint…um…Omega.
22) The Analytics Manager
Done? It hasn’t started. You won’t have any data until they get the WebTrends tags working in Sprint…um…Omega.
23) The Scrum Manager
When the last hot fix deploys. What day is it? Never mind, bring me a Red Bull.
24) The Social Media Manager
Until Zuckerberg changes his mind again.
25) The Director of Sales
We changed the website? Oh yeah, look at that.
26) General Counsel
It’s done. I mean really done. The animal rights people are picketing on our lawn over that edgy new “Exploding Koala” logo. Take it down.
27) The Business Analyst
I have twelve meetings today; I don’t have time to get into the whole user story. But I can tell you it involves a rooster on a distributed team.
28) Social Media Manager
So the chicken can check in and oust the Mayor of the Other Side of the Road.
29) The Agile Project Manager
The chicken is just not going to be able to cross the road this month. Crossing requirements were due last Friday. She will have to take her place on the backlog. Maybe the chicken can cross the road in Sprint 9.
30) Web Analytics
We’ll need to get some tags on that chicken to be able to tell you that.
31) The Business Owner
Because I have three other business initiatives riding on the chicken being on the other side of the road that were supposed to start six weeks ago. You’re killing me.
The question isn’t why the chicken crossed the road. The question is why the chicken felt she had to cross the road. If a coop’s usability issues won’t allow chickens to complete their egg-laying tasks, they’ll bail that coop and find another one that will.
33) The Developer
Because the requirements said so. The trebuchet was the most efficient method. Oh, she had to get to the other side alive? Where was that in the requirements?
34) Scrum manager
Let’s iterate, people. Let’s get the chicken to the center line today, and we’ll talk about the rest of the way tomorrow.
35) Agile Washing
A waterfall shop that throws a scrum or two onto their schedule to seem cool. The Agile equivalent of a veneer, also known as “all hat, no cattle”.
Removal of a development team’s efficiency gland by the new waterfall-loving CTO.
37) Hubristic Evaluation
When development teams assess usability by asking themselves what they would want if they were the user.
Transformation of development notes from multi-page to post-it size.
39) Lame Theory
Mathematical constructs to predict how stupid decisions multiply in a group dynamic.
Someone who is aggressively, revolutionarily passionate about colored tape on whiteboards.
41) Scrum of the earth
An Agile team that recycles.
Credit of all the jokes goes to the original authors whose links are mention bellow. If we miss reference link for any of the above joke, please comment below.